My New Passion

I've always had a passion for photography but never had time to really explore it, and five years ago when I bought a new camera, I thought that was time. I loved my new Canon SLR and I full intentions to buy a better lens and get practicing. Well, work and family life put that on hold and it wasn't until this past December that I finally made the lens purchase. I bought a 50mm 1.4 and it was great...but even then I wasn't brave enough to start shooting in manual.

So while I've been on bed rest I have had plenty of time to read blogs and watch video tutorials to get a better understanding on how to shoot RAW. Now I am addicted - poor Mike. ;-) But, the downfall to bed rest is that I can't get up much to experiment.

Now that I was able to keep Baby D inside for a little longer, I was yearning to do a maternity photo shoot with Wyatt. The problem was I was supposed to be resting so I couldn't really go anywhere and I couldn't take my own photos.

But my mom came through with shining colors. She volunteered to come over and snap some photos - even though she had never shot in Manual Mode...but we decided to gave it a whirl. I started brainstorming on where in the house we could get the best lighting and have a decent backdrop. I then worked to get the best camera settings and angles possible and then turned the camera over to her. We had some hiccups-I forgot to charge my camera battery, Wy-man is 3 and wasn't too interested in taking photos, I was supposed to be laying down or sitting for most of the session, and my mom wasn't familiar with my camera...but she captured some great moments regardless. Then I was able to take some of the images and turn them into something really great during post production.

While some photographers can get amazing images straight out of the camera (SOOC), I am not to that caliber yet so I had to rely on my Photoshop skills to turn these into brilliant images. And since I learned so much from other's blogs, I thought I would show you a couple of the before and afters to help people see the transitions made. I am really pleased with how they turned out!
Wy-man and I had a great time (even though our session required a few bribes), and it is so wonderful to see the anticipation in his eyes for his baby brother to arrive.
Even though most of the session took place either laying down or sitting, we did get an image or two standing. I can't believe we have made it to 35 weeks and still holding on strong!
Thanks for letting me share this journey with all of you. If anyone is interested in letting me photograph you, your children or your family, I would love to get more practice (although it will have to wait until after this baby is born). ;-)

Learning the Hard Way...

We've all heard the saying "Everything happens for a reason" which I have always believed in, but it wasn't until this past week that the true meaning fully sank in. I am hardheaded (so my family and hubby says) and as much as I am ashamed to say it, it took the risk of this baby to make me realize I needed to change my ways.

I had been having contractions but in my mind they were "just Braxton-Hicks" so they were nothing to worry about. I continued to push through them keeping up my crazy work life and working at home in the evenings/weekends to get ready for Baby D. There wasn't time for rest. I could rest once he got here.

When I went in for my weekly check-up last Tuesday (they see me every 4 days since I'm already considered 'high-risk' being an IVF patient - maybe that should have been my first clue), Mike came with me to be sure I was telling the doc the truth about my 'episodes.' Long story short, at only 32 weeks, I was already dilated to a 1 with a shortened cervix and was in per-term labor. I was to be admitted to the hospital immediately.

I spent 2 1/2 days admitted at Sanford giving me plenty of time to reflect. I came away with many serious lessons learned and maybe this post will help others learn too.

- No matter how much of a planner you are, you can't plan everything!

Because...this hiccup definitely WASN'T in MY plan!

- I have a caring, loving husband willing to give up his "to-do" list to take care of me!

Mike has always been SO caring but he showed me once again how strong our love is. He sat with me the entire time I was in the hospital unless he was playing single dad fulfilling all of the Wyatt responsibilities. This bed rest thing is probably more wearing on him but yet he hasn't once complained. Not only does he has his full time job to manage, he has to take care of me, cook dinner, clean the house, care of Wyatt, etc. etc. I sure do love him!

- Family support is crucial.

My parents were in Mexico at the time everything took place, but immediately they rescheduled their flight plans to come home a couple days early. Since they have been back, both my mom and dad have been instrumental in prepping this house for the baby. Their love and support has once again showed me what kind of parents Mike and I want to be for our two boys as they grow older. I consider myself VERY lucky to call them 'my parents'.

- The importance of an understanding employer.

Being put on bed rest for 6 weeks before this baby is due is tough for me to swallow, but having an employer like L&S and an understanding boss that has helped lift my work burden off my shoulders so I could actually 'relax' is more than I could ever ask for. It makes me appreciate my job even more.

- Dependable co-workers are key.

With a to-do list a mile long that I could no longer complete, I had to unexpectedly turn it over to my coordinator, Erin. She and the rest of the team have been great - stepping up to take on all of my work 6-7 weeks before they expected they would have to. (Thanks guys!)

- I should have gotten a pedicure. :)

I had been neglecting my feet because, well...I couldn't reach them. So as I was sitting in my hospital bed while the nurses were checking my feet reflexes every hour, I realized I should have taken 30 minutes to have someone paint my toes. I was so embarrassed at how rough my feet actually were...But at least my legs were shaved! :)

- I am lucky to live in a place where there is wonderful healthcare service.

Sanford Health was wonderful during this experience - from the ultrasound techs that first determined my 'issues', to my OB, to the Perinatologist (high-risk baby doc) that took over my case, to the wonderful "HiROB" (High Risk OB) nurses. They made me feel so cared for even when I was beating myself up over what I had done.

- Spending time with Wyatt before this baby is born is so very precious.

The past few weeks I had been saying I felt like I was a bad mom b/c I was so busy at work and unorganized at home that I wasn't giving Wy-man the quality time he deserved before this baby came. So now I have NO EXCUSE. We are cuddling on the couch reading lots of books, watching movies and spending quality time together. This is probably one of the only things that I am 'enjoying' about bed rest.

- It's only advertising (no one's dying), but man this profession in stressful!!

I have always known my job was stressful but I guess I thought I was invincible. The pressure of deadlines is what drives me to be successful (which is why I love my job), but I did find out through this that the stress isn't something I was able to handle while being pregnant.

- The importance of listening to your body.

In hindsight, for at least a week I was having signs that I should have listened to. I thought "Oh, this isn't anything, I am only 7 months along, I will just push through it." I should have listened to my body sooner and called the doctor. Maybe I wouldn't have ended up laid up in a hospital bed. So if I could give any piece of advice (to those pregnant or not), don't be stubborn or hardheaded. If something seems 'off' , investigate it.

- Counting contractions is a BIG deal.

The docs told me as I get closer to the end of my pregnancy I need to make sure to count my contractions...but I thought that was only when they are 'painful'. The contractions I was having weren't painful per se, just annoying. Little did I know that more than 5 contractions per hour (even if they are just Braxton-Hicks) will change your cervix...so for almost 5 days, I was having more than 5 an hour, and although I was tracking them, I didn't think I should call the doc since I had an appointment on Tuesday. Man was I WRONG!

- I wish my sister lived closer.

Ashley and I have always been close but this experience made me long for a hug from my sister. We might not ever live in the same town again, but knowing I have her love and support helped get me through.

- Comfy clothes, Pinterest, Girly Movies and a Good Book will be my best friend for the next couple weeks.

I am not one to sit still so this bed rest has been life changing, but I am going to embrace it since I probably won't ever have this 'me' time again. So...I am getting out all of my comfy clothes and will spend plenty of time on the couch with one of my guilty pleasures.

As I lay on the couch reflecting upon the last week (and getting mentally prepared for my check-up this afternoon), I felt it was important to take a deep dive inside this life-changing experience. It's good for me to reflect upon the lessons learn so I don't slip back into my old ways again.

Thanks for all of the thoughts and prayers this week. I am very lucky to have such caring family and friends - it has been words from many of you that have helped me put things into perspective, and for that, I thank you!

Well it's been months since my last post, but I just completed our Christmas photobook, so I thought I would share with the world.

What a wonderful time we had with the entire family making memories we will cherish for a lifetime.

Enjoy!

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It's a BOY!!!

Tonight we shared the wonderful new with Wy-man that he was going to have a little brother. But all along he's thought this baby was a girl...so you will see that in the video too. Enjoy!

(The quality isn't the best - we used a cell phone so audio is a little hard to hear - be sure to turn up the volume.)

Wyatt-ism's

As I rest on the couch and try to kick this sinus infection, I am able to catch up a little on my blog. And since I can't stop thinking about all the things Wy-man has said since I got home from my Denver business trip last night, I thought...why not make a post?! (He either has gotten funnier in the 72 hours I was gone, or I am just realizing it more since I was a away for a while.)

In the last 18 hours he has amused me with the following:

1. He gave me a big hug after I got off the plane and as I began to talk to him, he asked me what happened to my voice. I told him I had lost it because I was sick. And he quickly responded, "Well go back to the plane and get it!" Oh, how I wish it was that easy.

2. In the car on the way home from the airport he asked me if the baby had popped out yet. I told him, "No, the baby won't be here until after Christmas, but when it's here he can hold it." He proceeded by telling me, "The baby will slip out of my hands and fall on the floor." Guess we really better watch him the first time he holds the baby, huh?! :)

3. The baby conversation continued and he told me the baby will like him b/c he will run around and play with 'him'. (As he referred to the baby last night - it changes from him to her daily.) I told him the baby will just lay there for a while and won't be able to walk yet. So he asked me, "The baby can't wait until he has feet, like me?!" I love how he thinks about everything in such detail. How do you explain to a 3 year old that they baby has feet when it's born but they can't put weight on them yet?

4. As we were coming into the door last night he gave me a big hug and said, "There, I'll make you feel better!" He is such a sweet little boy.

5. We were finally home and playing trains and he all of a sudden had to go potty. He stood up, turned around and said, "I think I make it just in time!" How can you not chuckle to yourself when he says things like that...and he always has the best timing.

I can't believe he is so witty - he definitely takes after his Dad-d!!!

What a Journey

As I sit back and reflect upon the last twelve months of my life, and feel this baby faintly kicking inside, I relive the bittersweet journey. I can now breathe a small sigh of relief as I have almost completed my 12th week of pregnancy with our second bundle of joy. I know there are 6 more long months that could entail many other bumps in the road, but getting through my first trimester is a huge accomplishment in my book.

As a little girl you dream of having kids and what a wonderful process it will be. Never for one second did I think I would be ‘that person’ with fertility issues. I always thought I am healthy, take care of myself, workout, eat right, etc. etc. but that didn't seem to matter. Something was WRONG with ME. It took me a long time to come to terms with it, and once I was diagnosed with PCOS we finally knew how to proceed. We still continued to struggle to get pregnant with Wyatt and I became very well known among the staff at my fertility clinic (due to my many weekly visits). But once we finally found a solution that worked and I became pregnant, I thought number 2 would be a breeze. We could skip all the trail that we took to conceive with Wy-man and go straight to what we know works. And since I am a planner, I was super excited about this possible plan.

But when the time came around we were back in the same fertility office adding many more pages of notes to my chart (which was already 2.5 inches thick), but I was welcomed with open arms by all the familiar faces I had met 3 years prior. After seeing them for another 8 months, we were once again hit over the head with another blow. Not only did the process we took with Wyatt (Repronex shots in the stomach for 10 days to be exact) fail, we tried that process twice...the second one still failing after 26 days straight of shots. I was very discouraged.

But even after all of my research and my many conversations, nothing truly prepare me for what I was about to go through. I even sat in my initial consultation with the nurse teaching me how to administer all of my shots (3 times a day mind you) and it didn’t sink in until I looked through my bag of meds. What was I getting myself into? (This photo doesn't include the 4 other times I went back to get more syringes.) Giving myself shots in the abdomen 3 times a day was a challenge by my body reacted well. I took a break from teaching Zumba and was even able to take some time off work. If I was going to do this, I wasn’t going to mess around with extra stress. And without providing too many of the gory details (that you probably don’t care to know anyway) we were able to implant 1 – grade A blastocyst (in terms we all understand – a fertilized egg). And from what I understand, grade A’s are sometimes hard to come by.

Then we began the waiting game. It was the LONGEST two weeks of my life. I was an emotional wreck – poor Mike. But he was a champ through it all. One week after the procedure I went back to work. That helped keep my mind off of the waiting…but I hadn’t realize what the meds had done to me during that 2 week time period, after all I had worn workout clothes for two months. When I went to put on my normal clothes they no longer fit - the meds had made me balloon up and I looked 3 months pregnant already! I thought to myself, “OMG, I don’t even know if I am pregnant, how am I going to hide it?!” I had to work very hard to dress in baggy clothes as much as I possibly could. But I wasn’t hiding it very well. :)

(I was 5 weeks along in this photo!)
But then the end of the two week wait was drawing near. We were told that because of all the meds it was best not to do a home test due to the risk of false negative results, so I was bound not to take one at home. However, I about caved the night before we went in for a blood test…but I am happy to report I remained strong. I patiently waited to do the pregnancy test and blood draw at the doctor’s office the next morning…but then we waited and waited to find out the results. And due to my anxiety level being SO high (imagine that) I was reading into every little thing. For example, the Kleenex box had been placed on the table where we were sitting rather than on the side table where it normally rested. (Yes, I noticed the Kleenex box had moved.) And I even evaluated the nurse’s face that came in to tell us the doctor would be with us shortly – and of course I thought she wasn’t smiling like normal so that was a bad sign. (To my defense, I know these nurses and their mannerisms quite well since I was seeing them on a weekly basis with Wyatt and then again with this round – and this gal was usually really happy.)

So we continued to wait – for another 10 minutes or so, but it felt like 30. Finally Amie, the nurse who I saw the most with this round of treatments, finally came into the office. I wasn’t sure what to think – we were waiting for the doctor, why was a nurse coming in?! But she smiled and I instantly knew I had a positive pregnancy test! (It is bringing back tears to my eyes as I type.) Come to find out, the doctor was in with a new patient that was taking longer than expected and she couldn’t have me waiting any longer – so she came in and shared the wonderful news with us. We were ecstatic. And then of course I needed those Kleenex that had been placed on the table, but thankfully it was for my tears of joy!

At least now I know it’s okay to look pregnant, but how was I going to continue to hide it? My plan was to not inform my office until I was at least 8 weeks along, but by 6 weeks we were able to see the heartbeat during our ultrasound which provided a slight sense of release that things were coming along well. And since I wasn’t able to find any other clothes to cover my bump, I was able to share my news. Since then I have had an 8 week, 10 week and 12 week ultrasound to ensure the baby is growing – and I am happy to report that things are going great! AND, I am even happier to say that the DAILY shots that I Mike had to give me in the hinny until I was 12 weeks along are finally over and it is so wonderful! I can now sit without pain! ;-) (Oh the things we do for our children!)

10 1/2 weeks along.

My belly have been large from the beginning due do all the meds and as everything inside goes back to normal, my belly is compensating – so really, it’s staying about the same size even though the baby is growing by leaps and bounds. But eventually I will get back to ‘normal’ pace – or so they say. But as a comparison, I look about as pregnant now at 12 weeks that I did with Wyatt at 18 weeks, but it’s totally worth it! (Please excuse the bad photos...) As happy as I am now, I'd be lying if I said there were many times I didn't think to myself, "This isn't fair. Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?" But I just had to remind myself that I needed to turn everything over to God. No matter how much I try to plan everything out, he is truly in control. And although Wyatt and Baby Davidson might not have their college paid for like I had always dreamed of, I know deep down that is okay...if we wouldn't have spent the money up front, we wouldn't have these two joys to share our lives with.

Even through all the stress, anxiety, pain, emotion or heartbreak we have endured, when I hold that baby in my arms it will all go away. And am counting down the days.

All Aboard...

Wyatt's 3rd Birthday Express!

And what a wonderful day it was. We couldn't have asked for a more gorgeous day to spend celebrating with a train themed party. I had a blast pulling everything together and it was worth every minute! So come along and enjoy the party too....


What better way to enter Wyatt's Island of Sodor Celebration than with a custom sign and trains galore!

And Wyatt arrived in style driving along his very own railroad tracks (touting his conductors hat, of course)!
I then framed some of the photos Amie and I took during my photography class a couple months ago...it worked perfect with our theme.
A 'happy birthday' sign was also a must to help spice up the fence. (And it gave me a much better background for opening presents!)
Once kids arrived there were many areas around Wyatt's Island of Sodor for them to visit - but the favorite by far was the Waterpark.
(If you aren't familiar with Thomas the Train, he lives on the Island of Sodor.)
And of course there had to be food, so we all dined at the Sodor Sandwich Shop where the menu consisted of hot dogs, chips and fruit skewers.
The last stop (which actually became a stop visited many times throughout the party) was our candy store. We had goodie bags for the kids to fill as a party favor.
Then it was time for gifts, but we tried to keep that short and sweet since the kids just wanted cake...
But I couldn't just settle for cupcakes, I had to challenge myself to master a train cake. It was a blast making it (except for when it fell over half way through the decorating process and I had to scrape off the icing and start over), but it didn't turn out half bad. And Wyatt was absolutely ecstatic about having a train cake made just for him! That was enough to solidify why I spent the time stressing over it. ;)
He even waited until Happy Birthday was completely over before blowing out the candles in one fell swoop. (Gosh he is getting so big!) And of course he had to have a red and blue piece which meant I had to cut the cake right down the center. But it was totally worth it for this birthday boy!
The rest of the party the kids spent running from the water slide to the bouncy to the swing set having a blast. I absolutely loved hearing their giggles the entire afternoon.
At the end of the party (a few kids had already gone home) I decided I should try and get a group photo. I think that was my biggest challenge of the day. To get five kids to sit down for 1 minute for a photo was a disaster, BUT there was one photo (out of 2o) that turned out okay!As the kids left they were able to take a Wyatt & Friends train coloring book and crayons, a train music CD and bubbles. Something they will play with in the coming weeks and remember Wyatt's party! But we couldn't call it a day without getting a family photo, and while it isn't the greatest, I will take it.

What a wonderful weekend we had celebrating three amazing years with this little man. He has forever changed our lives and made us better people! I can't wait to see what a great big brother he is going to be! Happy Birthday Wy-man!